Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
