just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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