so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
