So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
