I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
