I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
