I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
