Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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