Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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