I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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