I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
