i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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