Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
