ya dads aren't the best wingmen
People in love make me want to vomit
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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