My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
