Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
