Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
