I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
