i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
