Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
