Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
