I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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