I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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