I love black thongs
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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