True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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