dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
