Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
