would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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