Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
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