He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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