You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
