I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
