walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
