Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
im holly from the hills drunk
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
