I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
