he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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