im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
