Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
