Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
