I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
