There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
