Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
