Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
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No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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