I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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