I puked a lego.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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