this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
