Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
