moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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