I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
