Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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