just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
