just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
