i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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