I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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