Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
