Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Randomize
