I am spending my child support on dildos
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
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ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
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I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
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