Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
