Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
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