is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
