I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
