She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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