woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
