I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
