Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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