these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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