My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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