I think my fart just growled at me.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
