jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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