If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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