he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
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I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
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Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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