Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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