So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
