So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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